This is a long one…

I have never been signed off sick before (other than an appendectomy operation which I couldn’t exactly avoid!) and I felt like a failure for giving in to “it”. “It” being the depression and anxiety that I had been trying to avoid for so long. I knew it was happening, I had been on anti-depressants before for a long time but had stopped taking them because I felt better. I guess that’s a lesson learned. 

I ended up taking 4 weeks (19 working days) off which is the longest I’ve ever been off (again, appendectomy aside) and it took two of those weeks for me to give in and call EAP (employee assistance program) and Occupational Health. They were all very good and very nice, understanding etc. OH were very scripted and I barely had time to talk, it was literally a quick questionnaire and some suggestions of other companies that could help and provide support. EAP gave me the option of counselling or an online course – I opted for the online course as I had tried counselling with them before. The best support I’ve had though is from a company called Remploy who work with DWP. They give you 9 months of support and it’s really been very helpful. The lady I talk to is very down to earth and even offers support to your line manager if needed. They were one of the recommendations provided by OH and I can’t recommend them enough. 

Since talking with Remploy and being back on the anti-depressants, I have definitely noticed a huge difference and I am feeling a lot better in myself. 

During my years since leaving school and being in employment (and since the increase of social media) there has always been an understanding that if you’re sick then you shouldn’t be online (or be seen out in public), posting this on Facebook and that on Twitter although these days it doesn’t seem to be as strict but it’s something that’s been ingrained for so long that I have always stuck to it. I don’t leave the house unless it’s for the doctors or the pharmacy and I don’t go on social media. 

Since I was off work for so long, it actually became normal for me not to be online. Not that I did much else to fill my time, I spent about two weeks in bed in between cooking and doing other (minimal) chores and I did a little bit of crochet from what I can remember (my memories of those 4 weeks are a bit fuzzy). But not spending hours scrolling mindlessly through Facebook and Instagram (I’m not a Twitter lover) was oddly freeing. 

I haven’t missed Facebook as much, although I do feel like I’ve missed a lot there too. It’s probably saved me a lot of space and money though from the lack of fabric shopping 😂 

I did eventually get back into crocheting again for a few weeks. I finally finished the Woodland Ripple blanket that I started 4 years ago 😂 it was meant to be a present for my nephew’s 4th birthday, he’s 7 now and finally has it 😂 it was gratefully received and last I heard it was being used as a magical doorway to another universe! 

I had also started a C2C project (I can’t even remember how long ago) which didn’t have any particular purpose other than I love the yarn I chose (Scheepjes Stonewashed) and I love how quick and easy the pattern was, so I picked that up again and decided to make a single-bed sized blanket for G, although it won’t go on the bed, it will go on the sofa in the man-cave, he was excited for me to finish it but the last few weeks I’ve been distracted by a game on Apple Arcade so haven’t finished it yet. Maybe I’ll finish it soon, in like 5 years 😂 

I’ve also become a little obsessed with my houseplants. I bought a succulent a few years ago for our flat when we first moved in together and to my amazement, it survived which triggered a collection of more succulents and a few cacti. With spring having sprung now (although what’s this snow in April all about!?) they’ve all gone a bit crazy and in October (before the 4-week break) I chopped up the original succulent because it had gotten so big and twiggy that it kept trying to fall over. I put the cuttings in water and I now have about 10 of the same plant 😂 G thinks the plants are taking over and thinks he’s going to be living with “trifids”. He’s tried to get me watching the film but 30 seconds in and I don’t think I can 😂 maybe one day! 

I’m really bad at remembering to water all my plants so I now have an app which I discovered from following Succulents & Sunshine on Facebook. The app is relatively new but is pretty good. You can only add up to 5 plants on there for free but the annual subscription is less than £30 so I decided to sign up so I could keep a track of them. It lets you add as many photo’s as you like per plant (not aware of a limit as it’s not told me off yet), you can search the database to match your plant and find the genus and species which then gives you ideal light/location/watering patterns etc. The database is still quite small and there’s a few of mine not available, but you have the option of adding in any missing information if required. I don’t have a “green-thumb” at all, and it’s only because these plants can survive for long periods without water that I haven’t killed them (there have only been minimal casualties!) so I think this app will help me especially as they’re taking over the house 😂 

I apologise for the very long post, I wasn’t even going to post it. I started with the intention of doing so and without having much to write about, then I went off on one again and thought I’d better not post it. But if maybe one person who reads this finds some comfort or familiarity then I am glad I did. Maybe no one will read it and that’s OK too. If you managed to make it this far, thank you for reading and I’m sorry if I bored you 😂